Are you a male feminist ally?
Feminism has been through an upheaval of sorts in recent years, with noted professionals such as Hilary Clinton, Emma Watson, Michelle Obama, Jennifer Lawrence and Sherly Sandberg speaking about the gender gap at various occasions. While such speeches and activism is important to raise the general awareness of the still persisting issues of gender stereotypes and sexism, it is the everyday struggles and issues that I am more attuned to.
While it was never a doubt to me that I am a feminist, it has come to my deep awareness in recent times that I am in the company of a male feminist ally. He was not always a feminist ally and it is a role that he has been actively playing recently. How do you know if you are feminist ally? There is no checklist of behaviours or a toolkit of feminist quotes that you are expected to carry with you. But rather it is in the everyday way that you advance the feminist agenda.
An agenda of gender parity, non-violence against women, abolishing gender stereotypes and the belief that both women and men should not be subject to sexism.
He corrects and challenges gender misconceptions at his workplace. When faced with a sexist statement that puts men at a higher pedestal above women, he challenges that notion and asks the appropriate questions to provoke thought. He does not accept gender stereotypes and does not approach his students differently based on their gender.
He is aware of intersectionality. Not all women face the same gender discrimination. Some more than others. If I am a woman who is of minority race and from a lower social class, he understands that my struggles are three-fold and interconnected with racism & classism but at the same time, my fight for the feminist agenda is not representative of all other women.
He supports and allows for my talents to shine. He does not believe that "behind every successful man is a woman" and asks that I give up my dreams for his personal achievement. But rather he wants to support me as I walk my journey to achieve my goals. He knows that everyone needs a mentor. #HeforShe.
He is as proud of me as I am proud of him.
He does not ascribe to traditional roles of husband and wife at home. We do not follow these roles because we know our strengths. We manage our household based on our strengths and not because I should be doing it as a female or vice versa. Our individual strengths contribute to our collective relationship as a married couple. He approaches our union with humility knowing that he can learn from me as much as I learn from him.
He listens. The struggles that women face and the discrimination in terms of gender equity and stereotypes are personal. He will never know how it is to walk in my shoes and feel unsafe when I walk alone day or night, how it is to feel that my colleagues view my clothing as sexualised even when it is just a simple dress, how it is to feel to be subjected to catcalls waiting for a taxi by the roadside, or how it is to feel the need to look feminine and behave feminine at work or elsewhere for fear of branded as "bitchy". But he listens without judgement. He knows that these are my experiences and that I can always turn to him for a listening ear.
My husband is a male feminist ally.
Are you one too?