Child-free or Child-less?.

I have been married for over 6 years and this marriage has been nothing short of exciting, tiring, adventurous and a lesson in patience. But it seems every year, I get more pressure from family members and relatives on our child-free status. I am not sure how I can explain to them that I really do not have maternal instincts, that it is not me who is stopping my husband from extending his legacy, that I really have no interest in having children for a whole host of reasons. I am not less of a woman because I am not a mother and we are not moping around each day bemoaning our child-free status. And just for the record, children are adorable, little human beings and I have the utmost love and respect for the children that I come into contact with.

I am going to attempt to pen out exactly why I do not want to have children now (of course this position can change and nothing is ever cast in stone). But for now these are my guiding principles that helps cement my decision.

1. I have no wish to continue the lineage so to speak. My family lineage is not one of royalty and therefore I have zero interest to continue my family lineage for this reason.

2. I have worked with students with special needs and with disabilities and I understand the difficulties of managing one. I have the highest respect for parents who manage and care for children with special needs of any severity but I do not have the capacity to manage a child who has special needs. Quite honestly, my husband is approaching his 40s and I am in my 30s and it scares me that there may be a slim chance (although the odds are still low) of such a situation.

3. I do not need my future offspring to care for me when I am older. I am rather independent and the idea that I need to have children so that I will have someone to care for me in the silver days is not relevant to me.

4. I did not get married with the presumption that a family is only complete with a child. My family is as complete as it ever will be. My husband and I are a family already.

5. I have other dreams and hopes for the future. For some, their dreams include starting a family with children and bringing up their children. I just do not have that dream. If I did, now that would be a great reason to have children but at this point, I still cannot fathom that thought.

6. I want to be a better human being. I want to be a better me and that is currently more important to me than bringing another human being into the world and trying to make that person better than me. I still have a lot of flaws as do everyone else. I want to spend my time and effort learning new things, going on adventures, having new experiences, reading, reflecting on worldly issues, becoming more balanced and calm & to make a change in the world (by starting with the man in the mirror).

Yes, with respect to full disclosure, there was a moment last year when we thought maybe it was time to have children, however we quickly realised that we decided in a spur of the moment and that our reasons didn't feel concrete enough. We felt somewhat bored with our current status as husband and wife and perhaps we thought having children would be a new challenge for us. But yes we realised very soon that that is not a great reason to have children.

I have difficulty explaining all of this to my parents who are most affected by my child free status as it affects their well being and even their relationship with their friends. Their friends constantly ask my mum why I am child less (not child free but child less) and even slight her that perhaps there is a problem with us. I guess I may never be able to explain all of this to her and this post is somewhat a justification to myself that I am doing the right thing although it pains my parents.

I have a lot of friends with kids and I love their kids. I know they had children for all the right reasons and even if they didn’t, it does not matter anymore because I only feel and see love for their children from them. And that is ultimately the most important thing to me.

Being an adult is hard but I assure you that there's one dish that will lighten the mood and set everything straight…I present to you my vegan walnut pesto that is prefect for pasta, quinoa and potato salads!

Ingredients

1. 2-3 garlic cloves

2. 1/2 cup of basil leaves

3. 1 big bunch of coriander leaves

4. 1 cup of walnuts

5. 1/2 cup of olive oil (or less depending on your taste)

5. salt and pepper to taste

What do I do?

1. Place all the ingredients in the food processor except for the olive oil and give it a good whizz.

2. Pour in the olive oil slowly as the food processor continues to blend the pesto.

3. Add salt and pepper to your taste.

4. Enjoy your fresh pesto immediately on some pasta or quinoa. Otherwise, it should keep in the fridge for 2-3 days.